Ego Trippin and More

Ego trippin and more

It’s only Wednesday and two of my Queens have joined the ancestors.

Charlotte Ann Smith born August 23rd, 1963, died December 8, 2024

Nikki Giovanni neé Yolande Cornelia Giovanni Jr. born June 7, 1943, died the next day, December 9, 2024

My bestie Muzette texted me “Thinking about you. I wonder if Charlotte and Nikki have met yet.”

I replied, that is a beautiful thought.

My friend Mikki wrote on Facebook of Nikki: “Heartbroken. I adored this woman. Her wit. Her talent. Her sense of humor. Her outspokenness. Reading her made me better. Knowing her made me wiser. Thank you, Nikki Giovanni, for everything. Processing this loss is going to take a minute, but I know you’re up in heaven educating all the elders and ancestors and beating them at jeopardy.”

I added: I wanted to be Nikki Giovanni.

Of my friend Charlotte I wrote on Facebook: Sometimes words are inadequate to express what is going on. Charlotte Smith died today. She was my friend and family member of more than 20 years.

We met at a conference in Los Angeles, only to discover that we both lived in Oakland. Our children would go to the same school, Beacon Day School.

We loved each other fiercely. We knew each other’s immediate family.

Charlotte called me and told me that she was making her transition. She approached her death like she approached life, with dignity and advocacy.

She allowed me to remain in the inner circle. She made connections with me and her cousins and other lifelong friends.

I met her mother, she me both my parents and my step-mother.

She met my sibling, and I hers. She attended my weddings.

To say that we were good friends is an understatement.

When my father died I didn’t tell her. She was undergoing cancer treatment at the time, and I didn’t want to bring her down or take the focus off of her.

But I had posted on Facebook and her sister told her. When I picked her up for her treatment, she insisted that I get out of the car so she could hug me.

When I visited her in the hospital as she was transitioning, she was worried about me. Was I getting enough rest, was I too tired to drive home.

That’s how she was in life, a phenomenal woman.

That transcends in her death. She connected me with her family and friends who loved her and she loved them as fiercely as the love we have for each other. And yes, I used the present tense.

I now have a sister in Jackie, a niece in Skyler. And wonderful bonds with other family members.

Yes I am grieving, and I am also grateful to have experienced life, transitioning to death, and death with Char.

Let’s all remember that tomorrow in this life is not promised and live each and every moment in joy.

Yes, I have had and will have tiny pity parties every now and then, but I will not wallow in them.

I am grateful that Char and Nikki were and are in my life. I think of them both every day and

to paraphrase Nikki, I AM so hip, so cool, so ephemeral that even my errors are correct.

Ache, Amen, and so it is.